We writers love to google stuff. If we’re not writing, or staring into space, or messing about on Facebook, or—Okay you get the idea—then there’s a good chance we’re googling something to do with our latest Work in Progress. Let this article serve to comfort both our loved ones (who should really know better than to check our search history anyway), or police investigating a missing person (because hey, we may be a writer, but we do draw the research line way before it gets close to reality. And that missing person case is totally different to the one we wrote about in our last book).
So, why you should never check a writer’s search history.
1. The shock: Looking up baby names doesn’t mean the family is about to expand. No, there are no new puppies or babies on the way—unless there are, which is technically possible because even writers procreate and / or can get suckered in by cute puppies with big eyes.
OMG I need a puppy!
2.The criminal: It’s really important to know the consequence of committing <insert crime here> in <insert country here> in <insert year here>. That doesn’t mean we’re a time-traveller about to rob a bank in 1932 Peru.
3. The weapon: Finding a futuristic weapon design on our computer doesn’t make us the next mad scientist. We just wish we were, because we’re pretty sure even a mad scientist will earn more money than a writer.
4. The killer: No we have never made a bomb or killed someone in the vacuum of space, but it’s important to know how.
5. The Personality disorder: Searching ‘personality disorders’ doesn’t mean we think we’re a paranoid schizophrenic with OCD, nor do we suspect our nearest and dearest to be bipolar!
Oh, but now that we’ve googled it they do tick a number of the boxes…
6. The doctor: No, we’ve never needed to make a temporary splint for a broken leg, nor do we have that obscure and highly infectious disease.
<Pause here while I make a doctors appointment>
7. The survivalist: Just because we’ve researched how to live on grubs, can find water in a desert, and can make a temporary shelter out of old tin cans, doesn’t mean we think a dinosaur-ending sized asteroid is about to hit, but if it did we could probably survive.
8. The sexual deviant: Yes, we really did need to research that obscure sexual practice…for a story.
Err…and that wasn’t the kind of whipped I was looking for…
9. The body: Googling ‘how to hide a body’ doesn’t mean we have just done away with our evil boss, and if our boss has suddenly disappeared, it’s nothing to do with us, honest!
So, now you know better than to check a writer’s search history, and we can all sleep much easier tonight.
Happy googling and writing 🙂